Confusion


© Copyright Oscar Grillo 2008
Well, I’ve made it up with the bad relationship man. He’s convinced me that he and this woman are not close. So why does he have her?

She is very calm, and he likes or loves that.

He provides so much caring. How can I give him up? Or perhaps this will prolong my suffering. He says he will go into a black hole if I won’t be his friend. But I wanted more than that. And if I’m still stuck on him, that will be painful.

I’ve asked him not to contact me for a few days. So he’s doing that.

He said that any conflict hurts him extremely. That’s why he became so withdrawn when we were going out. Meanwhile, I can only remember one conflict. I’m not high on the aggression and conflict scale myself.

I don’t know what to do. And of course, if he meets Ms Right, I will be very hurt if I am his friend. If I am not, I won’t even know it. Well, that is the future, and we cannot know the future.

In other news, I’m trying to learn mindfulness. Identifying my thoughts and disengaging somewhat from the thinking mind that likes to torture me. Actually it’s doing its best to help me, but the help is not helpful. I have hopes that this approach will be efficacious.

Feelings update – confusion and depression triggered by loss. I’d like to be his girlfriend, he doesn’t want that. But he is so insistent about being my friend. And he flatters. It is confusing to me.

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